I came home from work on Thursday at noon. I figured the flu was coming on: weak, blinding headache, bloated feeling in the gut. I staggered to the bus stop, plopped into a seat and thought "I will not puke, I will not puke, please, god, don't let me puke." Drove home from the park & ride -- cursing when the idiot in front of me lets a car in line in front of him, which allows that car and the guy in front to make the light and me to miss it. Lights at that intersection cause 3 minute wait, 3 minutes I wasn't sure I had.
But, I made it and dragged myself into bed. I moaned and groaned for a few minutes then fell asleep. I was glad Wife wasn't home. I just wanted to be left alone to die. I slept away the next four hours waking up three or four times to sip some water. Weirdest part was that I kept feeling like I had to stretch, like the blood wasn't getting pumped round my body. Water, moan, stretch, groan, sleep. Pretty soon it was dark.
Then my low back started aching. I lay on one side then the other then on my back then on my stomach. I lay with knees up, straight. What ever I tried, the pain would go away but be back in a couple minutes. I thought I should take aspirin or something, but stomach still wanted to roll over so I just tossed and turned and turned and tossed in bed.
I took my temperature later: normal. Well, that was something. I never actually had any stomach upset going either way. I was just miserable: weak, general muscle and joint aches, no appetite, and a back that wouldn't let me sleep which was all I really wanted to do.
Then it occurred to me: I'm old enough now that feeling this bad could be how I would feel for the rest of my life. No energy, constant low level pain, no appetite. Great -- so now, not only was I sick, I was depressed too.
I woke up on Friday feeling better, not good but better ... the depression gone ... the fear still there.
